Illyria is definately showing her age.

Hey everyone. For those of your that know us, know how important Illyria is to my whole family and how much she is loved, but you also know how much of a support she has been to me in my healing journey.

For those of you that don't know, I will share a bit of Illyria's story with you.

Illyria (Pronounced E-lear-ria)

Illyria came to us 13 years ago as a pupper, a plane ride from Kalgoorlie where she finally got to meet us and join our family. She was super excited jumping into our car and climbing all over everyone, greeting all of us kids. She was to become the best friend of Snoopy, our beagle who had gotten lonely over the years being without a companion. Although at first he definately was not sure of this small white ball of energy, he quickly took on a big brother role, and she wanted to do everything with him, even copying the way he slept.

She was an energetic puppy, and quickly tired out our older boy. He was only a few years older than she was, but still not a puppy and no way capable of keeping up with her energy. She quickly grew to be the same size as him, and then overtook him which I'm pretty sure he was not too happy about, yet they were still the best of friends.

1 - Both doggos waiting for treats. Illyria has quickly grown to the same size as our Snoopy.

2 - Illyria happily posing for the camera with our new mat, and Snoopy not at all happy that his little sister is now his "BIG" sister.

A few years later, Snoopy had an injury where he damaged the cruciate ligament in one of his back legs. For those of you that don't know, the cruciate liagments are two bands of tissue located in the knee joints. They join the bones above and below the knee joint so that the knee works as a stable joint.

in 2016, we took him to the vet, as he was the type of dog to cry and whimper when he was in pain, and they diagnosed his ligament damage. Unfortunately he had blown one cruciate in his leg, and the other was partially torn. He also had arthritis in both hips and knees. In 2016, Snoopy was ten years old, which was a very good age for his breed, but he was becoming an old boy.

We decided to go with surgery but our poor boy would be crated for a long time, only able to come out to go to the bathroom, and then back in the crate to rest. The good news is, with the pain meds he was on, he was more than happy to be kept away from his hyperenergetic sister who liked to keep his busy.

Then we had another problem. This all happened in May of 2016, so we were coming into Winter. Illyria was still an outside dog, but she now had no company, and although she had shelter, she didn't have her best friend. It was quickly decided that at night time, Illyria needed to come inside, as she would whimper at the back door.

She started sleeping in my room in the evening, which she was more than happy to do as she was allowed inside, which didn't happen all that often as she tended to get into anything and everything she could find. She loved climbing into the bed with mum and cuddling with me, happy to have a friend to cuddle with at night.

After a few months of this, and keeping Illyria inside all the time during the winter months, I started noticing weird behaviour in her during the night times. Often she would wake me up but jumping all over the bed and barking at me. I would take her outside thinking she had to go to the bathroom, but she would just sit at the back door waiting to come back inside. Remember, this was 2016, so I was only fifteen (15) years old. I had only recently started understanding my own trauma, and nightmares had become more common, but I didnt necessarily remember them all. There had been times that I was waking up in the night, wanting to self harm, and Illria would sit in front of me and whimper, pawing at me while I cried and held a blade in my hand. She then would lay with me for the rest of the night and not leave my side. Then it was 2017, and we realised Illyria had become incredibly tuned to my emotional state, and my health.

Through the beginning of high school, I developed an eating disorder. It started off with just not having food for school, as my 'friends' at the time would raid my bag and take the food and lunch money that I had, because my mum always made sure I had good food, like home made treats, chips, and often decent food for lunch, like food we could get reheated at the canteen or in the home ec department, like noodles, or leftovers from dinners, like fried rice, butter chicken, and things like that.

By the time we reached 2017, which was year eleven (11) for me, my eating disorder turned into full anorexia, as well as bullimia (not that I knew that at the time, as one of my alternate personalities was the one who had us throwing up after meals at school, as our home ec teacher gave us food as she wanted to make sure we ate.) I didn't eat anything from the time I woke up in the morning, I didn't eat at school, and I definately was not drinking enough water during the day, and I wouldn't snack after school like my siblings would. I would often just push my food around my plate, and eat small bits until my parents left the table, and then I would feed the scraps to Illyria, or hide it underneath other things in the bin. Please understand, this was a very difficult year for me. A lot of things were happening in my personal life, someone I cared about deeply had broken my heart and tore me to pieces every day at school, and none of my 'friends' were there to support me. I was also being abused by my boyfriend at the time. He often triggered me by pressuring me into sexual situations, and then thanked me for allowing him to see me that way. He demanded thirty (30) provocative photos of me every night, in three different types of lingerie that he had ordered for me off of websites like Wish (a very cheap website, where lots of the clothes didn't fit me properly, or were a horrible material that left me with rashes and scratched my skin.) or I didn't love him enough. I also sent him photos every morning of what I was wearing to school, otherwise he accused me of dressing like a 'slut' to get attention from other boys.

I allowed all this because I was so emotionally numb that I didn't care. I didn't care what happened to me because the only time I felt emotion, was when I was in a severe trigger where the only way I knew how to stop myself was to self harm.

I got really sick with a stomach bug, although I didn't have anything to throw up as I hadn't eaten. This lasted a day or two of me throwing up water, my body cramping from not having anything to eat. Please understand that my parents had tried everything to get me in a better place, even offered to take me back to therapy, but I wasn't interested. I didn't even want to live anymore. I simply wanted to fade away.

One morning, our cats were crying in the laundry, which is close to my room, so my mum asked me to lock Illyria in my room and then check the cats to make sure they were okay. It was very common for me to get dizzy and lightheaded by this point. It had become a normal daily occurance for me, often when I moved too quickly or got up too fast. My doctors believed it to be vertigo, but they hadn't seen the depths of my eating disorder as I always remained hidden under clothes that were way too big for me, and I avoided the doctors at all costs.

Illyria was being difficult and not making it easy for me to get her into my room, sniffing me and jumping up at me.. I finally managed to close the door and she jumped at it, barking and scratching at the door.

My mum asked if I was okay, but I couldn't respond as I was leaning against the wall, my entire world spinning. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor, my mum telling me not to move and screaming for my older brother. I later found out that I had passed out and had a seizure. I had then tried to push myself off the floor, and my arms gave out underneath me and I had another seizure, before I came back around. I had never had a seizure before, and yet Illyria was still barking and trying to get through the door. Illyria had become so in tune to me that she smelt a seizure coming on, even though i'd never had one before. She would wake me up from nightmares, and comfort me during triggers. She often squished between me and other people so they couldn't get close to me during triggers, which we had to train out of her as triggers can often lead to switching and seizures, so we had to make sure she knew to let people get to me to help me.

We didn't train this behaviour into her. She learnt all of this herself and I couldn't be more grateful for her.

Now back to what I was discussing earlier. Illyria has been with us for years and has helped me for years, but a few years ago, her back legs started clicking and she was walking weird. Not limping, but just walking differently, as well as her back legs were slipping a lot on the floor, and were often giving out on her when she tried to walk or get up.

We took her to our vet and they told us she was getting old and that she had over-extended both of her hocks, which is similar to an ankle joint. We spent another eighteen months doing what we could from home to help her. Surgery was an option, but it was such a small area that surgery often lead to more complications than the initial injury. We took her to a different vet about a year ago, who was so happy to meet her. We have been going to this vet clinic with the rats for years, but had never met this vet in particular but im so glad we met him and he helped us as best as he could. He was honest with us, but gentle with the news, and he dealt with Illyria so well. He offered to do his assessment outside where she wasn't in a closed in space, and he was so patient with her, as she doesn't do well with strange people. She isn't an aggressive dog, but she is very anxious. He told us her hips are amazing for a bigger breed and a dog her age, he wouldn't believe she was twelve when he felt them. Her knees had some arthritis but her hocks were definately overextended. He started her on cartrophen injections to relieve pain and try to strengthen her joints, and gave us pain medications to try to help her manage any pain she might be in.

He gave me some news I didn't like to hear though. At first I was happy. i asked him how long are we looking at before this became a major issue. He said the good news is, while shes still managing to get up by herself, go to the toilet, eat and drink and play and do all those normal things, then its okay. Its really just pain management. He says the most we're looking at is another eighteen months to two years. I asked whats the least we're looking at, and he said, tomorrow.

Her legs could give out on her at any time, and we can't let her live a life where she can't move.

Twelve months later, taking us to now, she has started declining a lot faster than she has been. She is slipping a lot more, and clearly favouring one foot over the other. She is shaking everytime she goes to the bathroom, and slipping when she tries to move. She isn't bouncing around like she normally does, and she is needing more pain management than previously. I live in denial. I live in a world where I would like to think that Illyrias time will never come, but if love was enough, we would have never lost an animal. She is reaching a time in her life now where she may not recover. In the last two weeks, she has declined quite rapidly compared to previously. My family and I are keeping a close eye on her and doing what we can, but I am having to come to terms with the fact that she may not be around for the next birthday. For now we are hopeful, and she is in no way ready to let go, but I wanted to keep everyone updated on where she is going and if we make any progress. Thank you for reading up to this point and for any support you offer, it is much appreciated.

Thank you to everyone who has offered Illyria love and support over the years.

Please feel free to leave Illyria plenty of loves and cuddles in the comments. Just scroll down and post your comment below!

I See You, I Hear You, I Love You.