Secret Bear Is Sending The Wrong Message! Please Help Us Protect Children!

Trigger Warning - Talks About Childhood Abuse, Secrets, and Suicide.

I was hesitant to post this, and have been discussing it with my family for a little while today, but we all agree that this is an important message to address. It may seem controversial or irrelevant. Some people may think I’m causing problems where problems don’t need to be, and others may think I am being overly sensitive to something so simple, that I’m thinking about it too much, but at the end of the day, I think it’s worth discussing.

Earlier today, (25th October 2023) my mum and I went to the shopping centre to try to find some clothes for me. If you have read my previous post, you know that I was struggling with my weight, and needing new clothes to wear to a movie evening I was going to with some of my friends and my brothers.

So, my mum took me shopping, and we went into Big W, where they were already hanging up Christmas stock, which was originally what caught my attention. My littlies like watching whenever we go shopping, and that often causes my attention to be drawn to more childish things. I was originally drawn to a Christmas T-shirt, but right next to that, was a bright red Christmas T-shirt with a Care Bear on it. All I saw after that were Care Bear merchandise spread out across the racks. One of my littlies, Four (4), loves Care Bears. She gets drawn to them, quite easily. We even found a shirt that we bought and plan to give to her for Christmas. We decided to look at some of the other Care Bear themed things that were available, like other shirt options. In the corner of my eye, I saw a pink shirt, Four’s favourite colour, and thought maybe that would be a good pick for her.

Unfortunately, what I saw made me extremely uncomfortable, causing my Watcher, or what others call a Gate Keeper, to block the littlies from the front and being able to see what I saw, and my main Protector, Sy, helped me maintain my composure.

The word “secret” is very triggering to me and my system and I will explain why.

The Shirt We Saw in Big W, with the words "ill Never Tell" with Secret Bear on the design.

I was molested as a child by someone close to my family, until I was nearly seven (7) years old. I don’t remember when it started, and a lot of the details in between are blurry, or feel like a dream or something I saw on T.V.

One thing I remember quite clearly is how often he told me that it was a secret that he and I had to keep. He often said “This needs to be our little secret.” and things like “If you tell anyone our secret, I won’t be able to buy you nice things or take you on fun adventures anymore.” He often reminded me that it was a secret we share, and because he shared his ‘secret’ with me, I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone because its against the rules to tell other people a secret.

It created a lot of fear in me whenever I hear the word secret, even something as innocent as keeping a secret for a surprise party or birthday present.

This information is important for you to know, because when I see merchandise like the secret care bear shirt, I feel terrified. I feel like he is still watching me. That he knows, and he is reminding me that I need to keep quiet. To keep his secrets. It scares traumatised children in my system who fear that he may come back to take them away, and that he is still here, watching them, and everything they say.

Child predators often use the word “secret” to force children to keep quiet, and because of this, secrets have become a very toxic and scary word to a lot of people who have trauma. It creates fear in sharing our stories, and using our voice to call out those who have done wrong by us.

The moment I disclosed my abuse to my parents, they protected me. They called police, and ensured that my abusers never had access to me again, yet still to this day, there are still things that my abusers did that I do not tell them. Secrets that he still forces me to keep, choking me with fear whenever I try to disclose them to someone I trust. My parents spent the last fifteen (15) years trying to teach me and my system that secrets are not something an adult asks a child to keep, and I have spent my entire life teaching anyone, especially my younger brothers and cousins, even my friends, that if an adult ever asks them to keep a secret, they need to tell someone else straight away. An adult has no need for a child to keep a secret. A surprise is not a secret, and a secret is not a surprise.

By definition, a surprise is;

An unexpected or astonishing event, fact, etc.

Or

Something unexpected that caused someone to feel mild astonishment, shock, etc.

A surprise is something that will be found out.

For example;

My friend was planning a surprise party for her sister, where they would do a gender reveal for her baby. This is not a secret. The gender of the baby is not a secret. It is a surprise. It will be found out. It will be discovered and cause astonishment, shock, happiness, etc. On the other hand, we have secret. By definition, a secret is;

Not known or seen, or not meant to be known or seen by others.

Or

Something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.

A secret is meant to be kept hidden. It is never meant to be found out. Due to this, secrets and surprises are often confused by children.

I am not the only one who has experienced this.

My abusers asked me to keep their secret that they touched me inappropriately. They slept beside me and touched me in the shower when I was not comfortable.

Someone I know very well was once asked if they could keep a secret and he said yes.

The secret was that some kids in his class had hidden scissors in their shoes and pockets, and planned to follow another kid on their way home from school, and attack him with the scissors.

These are the kind of “secrets” that kids want other kids to keep. I hate to think of what could have happened had this friend of mine not told a trusted adult, and another student been seriously harmed, or worse.

One of my friends once asked me to keep a secret, and then told me that they planned to end their life later that night and they just needed to tell someone so that I could tell others why he felt he needed to take his own life. If I had done what a secret was meant to do, and not tell anyone, one of my friends would have killed himself before police and emergency services could get to his house.

Secrets are not safe things. Secrets are terrifying and a child should never be asked to keep a secret. It is too dangerous.

I want to make it clear that I do not hold Care Bears or their creators responsible for other peoples actions, and how predators use the term “secret” to manipulate and control their victims. I also do not hold Big W and their franchise responsible for this. All I am saying is that I really hope they reconsider their branding and merchandise.

Secret Bear mission was to remind us of the importance of trust between friends, and while I agree that trust is important, no one that cares about us, friend, adult, teacher, parent, no one should ask us to keep a secret that is harmful to ourselves, our friends or others.

The whole time that Secret Bear has existed, her belly badge has said “Your secret is safe with me.”

Although this is an innocent enough phrase, especially for children who were taught to confide in Secret Bear, almost as if she was a diary for them, the words “I’ll Never Tell” written on the T-shirt, has an entirely different meaning, especially considering the shirt is meant to be worn by adults.

If I was given this shirt as a present, because someone saw it and thought I would like it, I honestly think I would have had a panic attack. It would have been extremely confronting, and would retraumatise me, and others who have been through experiences where “secrets” have caused horrible things to happen.

When I saw this shirt in Big W, my mum actually turned around, because emotionally she couldn’t handle looking at it. It caused her to burst into tears, a reaction that isn’t common for my mum in public, but it hit such an emotional and traumatic spot for her, that even just looking at the shirt hurt her heart, as she thought of me and my system, her children, scared and traumatised at the hands of someone my family trusted. Someone who took care of me and my brothers. Someone who never should have asked me to keep such a horrible secret.

I think that Secret Bear is an amazing character. She/He has the capability of teaching children that they can tell Secret Bear anything, and they will keep it safe, but I believe Secret Bear also needs to teach people, children and adults alike, that secrets should never be kept if they are going to harm others or themselves. Yes, trust between friends is important, but a friends safety and wellbeing is much more important, than keeping a secret that could put or keep somebody at risk. People, kids and adults alike need to be taught that a secret is not as important as a life. Whether that’s someone saying they’re going to end their life, or someone creating fear and trauma for someone else, those secrets are never meant to be kept. Secret Bear is there to protect your thoughts and feelings, and is there to confide in, but Secret Bear would never keep a secret that would hurt them or someone else.

I know you already have a surprise bear, so you can’t rename Secret Bear, but I hope we can create them into a Care Bear that helps people express themselves, without fear of judgement or rejection, while also teaching people that secrets are meant to be broken. Secrets that are meant to be hidden, are not safe to be kept hidden.

Once again, I want to make it clear that I am not throwing hate at Care Bears or their creators. I think Care Bears have taught children all around the world some very important lessons about friendship. They have taught children about magic in the world and how friends need each other. They have taught children how everyone is special and unique in their own way. These are all important lessons and I think these are the lessons we need to remember.

I am just one person, and my family is just a small group of people who feel this way, but I am sure there are many others who feel the same. Please share this Blog everywhere. Talk to your kids, your friends, your partners, your parents. Please educate people to not keep secrets. Surprises are meant to be kept hidden until they are found out at a party or event or when you unwrap a present under a Christmas tree. They are not meant to cause harm.

Please teach anyone and everyone you can how important this message is. Hopefully we can make a difference and keep those we love a little safer in a very scary world.

I See You. I Hear You. I Love You.

We Will Not Be Silenced By Your Secrets. Not Anymore.