Are You Ready For Self-Harm To Be Safe? Symphony Light Art Has The Solution?

Buy Your Own Self-Harm Recovery Pen

Trigger Warning

This post contains discussion of self-harm (specifically cutting), photos of use of the recovery pen which does mimick self harm behaviour, and photos of scars from previous self harm. Know your limits. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to look at my other post on the subject. Continue to read at your own risk.

The History Of Symphony Light Art

Symphony light art is run by Kaylani Kawano, a young woman who has a huge passion for mental health. She defines herself as an extremely sensitive individual, which gifted her with being an empath, finding spirituality and an overly detailed artist, but things weren't always good. Her gifts unfortunately came with a lifetime of darkness that she had to battle.

Miss Kawano has openly expressed that she understands what it feels like to be alone, judged, unwanted and even hated, and although she knows she can not stop other people from feeling this way, she doesn't want people to feel alone in their struggles. She has been brutally cyber bullied, threatened and misunderstood throughout her life. She now does everything within her power to show others that they are not alone.

Miss Kawano expresses on her website that ever since the day she was born, she had been a loud, stubborn and artistic child, who was always trying to find new ways to make people laugh, smile, or just listen to her stories. She has been diagnosed with many different medical disorders or disabilities from a young age, which caused a lot of isolation for her as a child. This only got worse as she grew older, and as a young adult, she began her content creator journey, but she soon learnt that with any type of fame, comes just as much hatred, and people watching, just waiting for you to fail. A fellow content creator reposted her video, bulling Kaylani, calling her horrible names and accusing her of "self diagnosing". Hundreds of their followers began to attack Kaylani, and she had never felt more alone in her life. Kaylani states that she has been surrounded by loved ones who struggle with self-harm or suicidal thoughts and tendancies, and she decided it is time that something more is done. She wanted to help herself, and those she loved, feel safe. She tried many different ways to stop her own personal desire to self harm, and soon learnt that it was near impossible to avoid. Speaking from my own personal experience, self-harm is an addiction. The escape it provided for me during my lowest points is so alluring, that I once couldn't go a single day without self harming. It isn't as simple as just putting down a blade or a lighter. The need is constantly there in the back of your mind, especially whenever you have a bad day. You always tell yourself “just once more” but its never just once.

Kaylani decided that instead of trying to stop straight away, which usually leads people to relapse, she wanted to replace self harm with something safe. Something close enough that it feeds the desire, but won’t actually harm you.

That is how her self-harm recovery pen was made.

My Thoughts On Symphony Light Art

I ordered from Symphony Light Art on July 26th of 2023, after a few conversations with Kaylani about her products. My order consisted of

- 1x Self-harm recovery pen with peppermint Twist and staining.

- Blue Girl Depression artwork piece

- I’m Fine – Save me reversible art

- Cyber drones Cyberbullying piece

- Spirit Artwork

Symphony Light Art is based in Canada, where I am in Australia. There were a few issues with the website at first, as it didn’t recognise Australia as an option, but Kaylani quickly fixed this for me when I alerted her to the issue.

So, I placed my order and I got a shipment email just four days later, which is amazing processing time for such a busy small business. Within 15 days, my order was at my door. I paid standard shipping and it got here faster than some things I have ordered from within Australia, so to say I was happy with the service was an understatement. I was so excited to open my order, and the moment I got the delivery notification, I ran out into the rain to pick it up.

My art prints were supported by foam, so all of the artwork was kept flat and safe which is something I haven’t seen other places do. My self-harm recovery pen was placed careful in a pretty little box to keep it safe, but I was very shocked when I got the next level recovery pen as a free gift, as well as an essential oil roller to assist with stopping panic attacks and PTSD (Which I live with daily), a motivational wrist band and a cute little squishy fidget toy.

All of this was wrapped in beautiful packaging and well taken care of in the post. The self harm recovery pen arrived in pieces, but was so easy to put together and fill up. It is a sturdy build, without being heavy or awkward in your hand.

As well as everything listed above, I got a beautiful Thank you card with an amazing design on it, A small information slip about the Blue Girl depression artwork I received, as well as two notes regarding the self-harm recovery pen. I tested the pen on my arm just to see how it felt. It didn’t feel the exact same as self-harm, but I didn’t expect it to. This is an alternative and it will never feel the same because it isn’t causing the kind of harm that regular self-harm does. That is the point. It is just meant to assist. It is an alternative, but if you have the expectation that it will feel the exact same as self-harm, but leave no damage, then you will be disappointed. This helped me take the edge off. I have been self-harming for the last ten years, and for a while, I couldn’t go a single day without picking up a sharpener blade and slicing into myself. This caused an unimaginable number of scars on both of my legs, and a lot of shame throughout my teen years as I had to hide them from my friends and family. Despite the fact that my family was aware, and did their best to help me with harm reduction such as using ice, buying stage blood and other techniques, I was still ashamed for them to see the kind of pain I was in. I still self-harm on the rare occasion, when my Complex PTSD gets out of hand, and I have no other way of grounding myself. I would often use self-harm as a way to shock my body out of flashbacks and force me into the present. I rely on both the physical pain to snap me out of the flashbacks, as well as the visuals of seeing my blood, to help keep me grounded as it forced me to focus on the present, and not the past.

The pain that I feel using the self-harm recovery pen is not enough for me during those attacks, but that does not mean I disregard this product. This product has helped immensely, and has helped prevent me from getting too deep into a flashback to begin with.

I am often triggered by nightmares, that wake me up and leave me shaking, sweating, and disorientated. Previously, I knew I had merely moments to gather everything I needed for harm reduction. I had to get ice, find my stage blood, a plastic knife (which sometimes would cut skin as I didn’t always have control of how much pressure I used) and things to clean myself up with. Normally by the time I even found half of these things, I am well into a panic attack, and I needed a lot more pain to snap me out of my flashback.

The self-harm recovery pen has everything I need, except something to clean up with after. So now, when I have a nightmare that leaves me with only a few minutes to calm myself, I can get out of bed, grab some tissues from my bedside, grab my self-harm pen, and try to calm myself. The cool-burn effect, mixed with the aroma’s is enough to keep me focused until I can clear my vision and focus on the fake blood. This by no means has fixed my complex issues, no simple pen will do that, but this has allowed me a safer way to keep myself focused, which I haven’t been able to do, even with the help of therapy, over the last decade. I constantly carry the small essential oils roller around with me, keeping it in my bag that I bring with me everywhere, and it allows me to focus on a familiar smell, even when I’m in an unfamiliar place. I will definitely be buying more of these, and leaving them at places that I visit often, like friends places, my brother and sister-in-laws house, and around my own house

All in all, this item is not a fix for all of the problems I suffer with on a daily basis. It is not the same as self-harming, but it is an amazing alternative and I definitely recommend it for anyone that struggles with this kind of coping strategy. If you have any questions, do not be afraid to contact Kaylani through her website. She is an extremely understanding individual and will happily answer any questions you have.

You can also follow her on TikTok and Instagram @angel.phoenixx

Please drink some water and have something to eat today. You are always worthy of the things you need. Don't forget take your medication, and love yourself a little extra today. You are not alone.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.